Scarred not Scared

How To Be A Midlife Dad Without Going Postal: A Manual

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Welcome to the story of a midlife divorced dad, his fiancée and their two boys Ick and Cee (their names have been changed to protect them from monstrous embarrassment). I decided I just had to do this publicly because I have so few resources to pull from as I struggle to be a good dad, partner and human, and I figure there HAVE to be many others. Background: been split from my first wife since 2002, legally divorced about 15 months. We share weekly parenting with our two boys, Ick (9) and Cee (6). This means that I have them at my/our house from Sunday AM through Wednesday AM, and they're with her the rest of the week. Until two weeks ago, I worked in theatre so this schedule left me free to be onstage Wed. through Sat. night without paying for a sitter. Peanut (not her real name), my fiancée of two weeks, and I have lived together since the first year of my separation, so the boys have only known me to be with P since their mom sent me packing. And thank Shiva for that! With P, I finally know what a real 'partnership' is about. So this humble blog is about trying to be a great dad and partner to my P (P to the P, yo). I don't personally know any other dads in my position but there must be thousands out there. When I first began talking to a lawyer about the divorce, my first priority was my boys: house, money and torpedoes be damned. Naturally, the judge agreed so I go the weekly shared parenting that was my first priority, and out of my 7 year marriage I only got my own stuff, a $9k legal bill and exactly ZERO of the shared assets. But that's OK; her bill was almost $50k. So Here I Am, engaged to be remarried to an incredible woman 20 years my junior, both of us parenting the boys half of every week. This is our story so far and its going really well. P and I are deeply connected and vitally in love, and we have created a loving home to raise the healthiest boys we can manage. Our biggest challenge is spending a good bit of every Sunday afternoon overcoming the 'unique' parenting style of the other half of the week. Stay tuned.


Post a Comment

<< Home